An Open Letter to My Son Owen

An Open Letter to My Son Owen

Hi Owen, I am glad to see you. I want you to know I cry when I think of you. Tears of Love and Joy are easier to shed than tears of pain and heartache. The love I feel for you is immeasurable, the happiness you bring me is beyond any words I can put to paper. I just want you to know I am happy to see you.

I have only felt a flutter of real pleasure in my stomach on a few occasions. One was on the day I married your Mother. She was beautiful in her gown walking down the aisle at St. Mary’s Church in Gilroy, with her parents at her side. I thought the world had stopped at that moment as she glided to the altar where I waited. I thought I would never see anything that beautiful again.

Then one day your mama said she was ready… ready to have a baby. I was excited, on one end and I was filled with fear on the other end. When we took the pregnancy test I tried to play it cool. Trying to contain my excitement, not wanting to be disappointed if it did not happen. But when the little stick showed a plus sign, the flutter in my stomach rose up again.

Watching your mama grow bigger was a moving experience. I had seen other ladies who were pregnant, but now this all had new meaning. You were in there, and you were what I had been waiting for. Your mama grew slowly, a little pooch in the beginning, so little she still wore her regular clothes, then over night she could not sleep on her belly. At that point I knew you were getting close to showing me your smile. When you did your cartwheels in her tummy, I could not contain myself and I had to tape the action with my video camera. I wanted to keep it as a reminder of my anticipation for your birth. The flutter in my stomach was just as big.

The week of your birth was a long one. First of all you were past your due date. No worries, you mama was happy to keep you inside her. She knew once you were out she had to share you with the rest of the world, and she does not like to share. Especially when she has something good. So we waited, and waited.

The week you were born was a rough one. We were supposed to go in one night and get some gel, and then come back later to have your mom induced. Well, we believed in the faith of waiting for you to make the decision on when you wanted to come out. No matter how anxious we were we could wait till YOU were ready to come out. We still went in for the gel, and boy was that a rough night. It gave your mom some contractions all night long. She did not sleep and I barely slept. On the night of the 4^th we did not want your mom to have to stay home with pains all night again, so we told the nurses we were coming in. All the signs were there, pain every 5 min apart, the possible breakage of the water (not true). So we packed up and left. The time at the hospital was kind of cool. They hooked up your mama with items to monitor your action and her contractions. The contraction monitor was the best, we could watch it spike up and down. We could put a number on the pain your mom was having. The number 20 was the baseline; most of the contractions were around 80. On the machine the highest we reached was 112, it was a good thing the doctors gave her some medication or we would be peeling her off the ceiling.

After a long night of waiting the hour of your birth came. Your mom needed the help of your Aunt Wendy, the nurse and me to get you out. We had to tell your mom to “puuusshhh” and to keep pushing. We could see your head bulging, trying to escape and enter this big world. During your birth you would only poke out the top of your head, and I thought, “what a small baby we have coming”, but boy was I wrong. At 4:43 in the morning of September the 5^th you and all 8 pounds 9 ounces came slipping in to our arms. First things first, you needed to be introduced to your mom, and you were laid upon her chest. She had to hold on because you kept sliding off of her. I was lucky to cut the cord and your Aunt checked to see what kind of person you were. It was her who announced you were a Boy. Your mom and I were just happy to see you we did not even look. You had the best look; your bright eyes were wide open and looking around. We were so happy.

I worry about things, is the car seat the best, are we in the safest car, will the diaper rash go away, do you get enough to eat, will we ever see your neck? These things I worry about. I do not worry about the name we gave you, because you look act and feel like an Owen. Now that you are here, I can not imagine my life without you. I look forward to my drive home. I want to wake you up in the middle of the night to kiss you. I hate to leave for work without seeing you. I look into your eyes and see you understand the depth of my love for you. So when you smile back at me I know you are saying “I love you dad”, just as much as I love you my Son.

Your Dad